The Racist’s Guide To The People of South Africa
By Simon Kilpatrick
The book categorises the races of South Africa into 6 main categories:
– Black People (not like isiZulu, isiXhosa and Sesotho – because “white people don’t care”)
– White People (English People)
– Miscellaneous (Portuguese, Greeks, Jews, Chinese, the Dutch, Germans and Expatriates)
What is most interesting about the book and the way in which it is written, is the fact that Kilpatrick writes generalisations as matters of fact. Some of these include:
“If Blacks get tired or a little stressed for some reason, they just go sleep in the shade of a tree, using a rolled-up jacket as a pillow.”
“Whites love rules and laws – but only if they get to make them.”
“Da most romantic date for me are to braai some steak and boerewors while my wife make da salad and potatoes. Den we go walk in da kraal to look at da cows and afterwards we have a koeksister wif some coffee. Den we has 90 seconds of missionary-position sex and den we sleep nicely.” – An Afrikaner on being romantic
“Indians may not be of much use when it comes to manual labour, but they are seriously good at selling stuff.”
“Besides disciplining their kids in public, the top five things that turn other people red with shame but don’t bother Coloureds at all, are:
1. Smiling without any front teeth
3.Punching, kicking and slapping each other
4.Making a scene in public
5.Swearing at each other in the middle of a crowd”
These include only a few examples in a book that is written on the premise that everybody in a class of people shares a specific trait that is of course universal for them. When reading the book, you often smile and find yourself agreeing with Kilpatrick only to later scrape egg off of your face as you realise how absolutely ridiculous it is to hold an absolute view of a group of people.
Without getting too serious about the topic of race or even once trying to contradict the stereotypes believed by many a South African, Kilpatrick does a wonderful job in dispelling many commonly held myths about a group of people.
The book also sometimes takes on a turn for the sarcastic:
“Black men are actually adults and not boys.”
“…if you find a white chick dancing next to a black chick, the white chick looks like she’s in rigor mortis, while the black chick looks like she’s mad of grape-flavoured jelly.”
“Afrikaners are the world champions … of complaining!”
“Their [coloureds] skin is generally lighter than blacks’ skin and only marginally darker than some Afrikaners’. (Remember, try not to remind Afrikaners about this.)”
The sarcasm with which Kilpatrick writes this book, is a wonderful way of keeping it light-hearted, while it is actually a rather serious topic. The illustrations used in the book are hilarious at the very least!
I would recommend it to anybody who has a sense of humour and can take criticism well.
I give this book a solid 7/10