This one’s for you, Monaco
Pun + Lame + Over-Supply of Time =
I have a friend named Jordan, whom I lovingly call Dan. Him and I were in trouble with the government. He was still thinking what he should do, but not me, Iran away. I got in my CAR and decided to drive to wherever I could go. Not too long and I was at the border, luckily they didn’t Czech my identity, otherwise I would have been caught.
Not too far out of the country and my wheels started screeching. I asked a local mechanic to see what was wrong and as it turns out, my wheels needed Greece. To add insult to injury, my Cardiff was also broken. I had no money. I was screwed. So I asked him, “Kenya help me?” The mechanic told me that I had to find a different means of travel. I dunno much about the rest of Africa, and I had to ask: “Israel safe?” He assured me that it was and showed me the way to the train station.
Meanwhile, back in South Africa, the police were still on Dan’s heels. I phoned him and said to him straight: “Dan, buddy, listen to me, I don’t wanna Russia, but ya gotta leave the country.” Not much time passed and Dan joined me.
Dan and I were still on the African continent and we had to decide where we needed to go. A guy who was eavesdropping suggested we go Mexico. I looked at Dan contemplating the possibility. Dan said to me in a whisper: “There’s Norway I’m going there.” Being the loyal friend that I am, I replied “then Niger would I.”
Dan and I eventually made it to Europe, Italy to be exact. It was high winter. It was so cold, my Naples nearly froze off. We would Rome the streets at night looking for something to eat. Do you blame us? We were Hungary…
On this particular evening, I found an old Vienna. I licked my lips and as I approached, Dan scooped it up and swallowed it whole. I was so angry! I wanted to Sudan, but who would take my case… For free?
Eventually I forgave Dan and we decided to make music on the streets. On a landfill site we found an old banjo for Dan and a Qatar for me. We played day in and day out in the streets. Many Chile nights were spent breaking the Kuwait on the streets of Italy.
After a long day’s playing our instruments, we could at least afford to buy ourselves some Turkey at a New Delhi that had just opened close to where we played. If either of us were still hungry afterwards, we could even afford to Havana-ther. We loved cracking jokes, but Dan was especially good at Boston my balls.
Soon Dan and I could even afford to buy some China to Eaton. We then bought ourselves Kashmir blankets. But it was now summer and we no longer needed to sleep Andorra blanket.
The people in Italy were good to us, we never picked up any trouble. But on one occasion a guy came passed and with a look of disgust he said to me “guay”. Now, I don’t speak Italian but it sure did sound like an insult. So I spun around and shouted “Uruguay”. In retrospect, I should not have done that… He spun around, took my Qatar and hit me 3 times over the head… *Bang-la-desh* and I was on the ground. But you know, what’s Tunis is done.
When I woke from my comatose state, Dan was hovering over me and he merely said: “Eíre mouth’s gonna be the end of ya”. I was traumatised and had to leave Italy. I needed now grounds where I could be my own man. So, Dan and I made our Mainz up, we would move to Japan.
Upon our arrival in Japan, we found out that the police had been searching for us. We decided to have our identities changed. I changed my name to Chad and my Suriname to Georgia. Dan decided to change his name. I was disappointed.
This is the story of 2 friends who stuck together like Thelma & Louise, like Napoleon & Josephine, like Bonnie & Clyde, like Trinidad & Tobago… Dan and I are still living in Japan. We are Ghana live here forever. We spend our days watching Wales and chatting about the good old days. I gave a good Korea as a lawyer to do this but I would trade it for nothing else. And though I know that a day will come when Dan or myself will die and there will be no one to Laos down, but at least we lived our lives to the fullest!
Any puns I missed?